"Hard" week

Sometime late September Campbell had an earache- the sort of earache that renders one to the brink of madness.  By the time preschool called me she was inconsolable. A quick phone call to the pediatrician with a description of the pain left us all certain it was a mean case of swimmers' ear.  Note:  swimmers' ear is painful to the physical touch as well as throbbing internal pain.  Meds were called in and administered- not without much failed negotiating, and many many many tears- both hers and mine. She only wanted her daddy and I was not allowed to even LOOK at the ear much less touch it.

Days passed and the pain lessened but never quite went away.  Finally, I was allowed to view the ear.  Eeeks. She had a giant piece of earwax in there. 
My mental conversations went something like this:
OMG! WTF?
Have I not been cleaning her ears enough?
Is she some sort of earwax freak?
What if she can't hear?
What if this glob of wax is trapping water down there and there is some sort of nasty fungus running a-muck?!
The ear is awfully close the brain!!!
I wonder if she will let me get it out??!! (Let me just save you a little time: big fat NO!)
I wonder if I could get it out while she is asleep??! (Uhhh, she is a ninja and would wake up every time I would try to sneak into her room.  Then she would pepper me with questions, so, no go.)

Off to the doctor we went.
Dr:  Yep, it's earwax. Try to soften it with earwax softener and then don't worry about it. It will work it's way out.

Fast forward to yesterday. We went to the doctor for Stratton's 15 month well check. Which, by the way, seems like a scam appointment that they snuck in for an extra co-pay because we have to go back at 18 months!  Whatever.
Anyway, I brought Campbell along for a flu shot and to check out the earwax that has taken up permanent residence in her little ear.
Doctor looks into her ear. No drama from the Diva.  Doctor says, "Yeah, that's a really big piece of wax.  Do you want me to get it out?"
Campbell slaps her hand over her ear and starts to cry.
Dr:  "Well just keep putting the softener in and it will eventually work its way out."

Now, I've already paid my co-pay for Stratton and Campbell so it wasn't as though I was trying to sneak this in on a single visit. And while I knew this was going to be a doozie, I knew my OCD could not support knowing this wax could have been removed and wasn't.  "Nope, I can't take it.  I need you to remove it.  It kills me knowing its in there."

I will leave out the brutal details of the screaming and kicking and flailing that ensued but let me just say this, if we had been in a bar I would have had to buy a round of drinks for the entire place.  It was not pretty.

As the doctor is extracting the wax he says, "Wow this is the biggest piece of wax I have ever seen!  Wait a minute.  It's not wax- it's a rock."

"What???!!!!  Let me see.  That's not a rock- that is a wood chip!"

1. I know! Poor baby!!
2. Yes, I will have her hearing checked
3. Yes, we got ice cream
4. Yes, I chewed the doctor's ass out for confusing wood with wax- not once, but twice
5. Yes, we discussed not putting anything in ears, noses, or other orifices of ourselves or other people (until at least age 26)

Leave it to Hooty to round out the drama with some comic relief:

PS- Honestly, I'll take the earwax over this.