Let me just break it down. I am a crier. Always have been. Doesn't take much to get me going, either. Seriously, it is a very large category of things that can potentially get me started. I am one of those people that cry at movies, commercials, songs, life events. I often get weepy when i see a marching band perform....?Don't ask me why. And it doesn't have to be the blues that triggers the water works. I cry when I am happy, sad, moved, super-tired can make me cry, even frustration can do it occasionally. And of course, I don't just cry for myself. I will cry with you, near you, for you, along side you.... Sometimes a story retold about someone crying will make me cry! Like I said, I am a crier.
Therefore, for the last 30ish years my mom has had to deal with me and all those tears. And she has reminded me many times over that crying or sobbing in some cases will not make your head stop hurting, your fever go down, make a stupid boyfriend treat you better, make your pregnancy go any faster, or change the circumstances life has dealt you. With that in mind, it was her voice I heard in my head yesterday afternoon when I felt my face go flush and got the knot in the back of my throat.
Four days home from vacation and this precious baby girl has now made me cry three times. Not the good "she learned how to walk" or "she finally says Mama and means it" tears... No, these tears feel more like the ones from back in Junior High when you really can't figure out why the pretty girls are so mean.
How can a 16 month old have the ability to test my nerves to the extreme already? I know she is just testing her boundaries, but seriously.... Is this part of the Secrets of Motherhood that no one tells you about so that you will actually have babies???
Full blown screaming fits on the floor, complete refusal to walk, insistence on being carried around. And then five minutes later a perfect angel when her Dad walks through the door. Truth be told, he met us in the front yard- she was in the swing, I was sitting in the grass on the brink of tears. Campbell saw him and immediately started smiling with delight. That is when I wanted to burst into tears. She has so much love to give and I don't want her to be a brat...
Through a few streaming tears I told Alan to get changed into play clothes because Mommy either needs to "go for a run or run to the bar. Something has got to give today." I am sure I confirmed what he has thought all along: Renee is crazy as a loon.