Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Bite Me

Today was Campbell's first official swimming lesson. I had intended that to be the topic today. But as they say, "the best laid plans..."

Since babies do not come with instruction manuals, I firmly believe that they should at least come with a warning label:

Warning! I may be cute but I am going to embarrass you half to death with a huge fit at some point.

Picture this: Precious pink bikini, hair pulled up in a precious little pig tail with the obligatory precious pink bow, and a precious little toddler toddling around the waiting area at swim school. How precious, right?

One minute she was the model child then I swear her head spun a full 360 degrees on her neck and she turned into some devil child that I have never seen before.

Full blown screaming, no scratch that, screeching fit! Her legs apparently stopped working so she was on all fours with her head on the germ-free floor of the lobby. Which, by the way, was full of approximately 400 other mothers and their perfectly behaved angelic children. Ok, maybe not 400- it was more like 5 or 6. But seriously, they were all glaring at us. At some point, I peeled her off of the floor and tried to muffle the screaming by putting her head into my shoulder. Bad, bad, bad idea! I can't be sure whether it was intentional or not, but I can be sure that it hurt like all get out! Yep, she bit me. Not a full blown chomp but she got a good mouthful, anyway. My, oh my, how I wanted to retaliate in some fashion. But with a lobby full of annoyed other mothers watching my novice mothering skills I opted for: angry eyes and a serious scolding. Both of which, she could usually give a shit about, but today it injured her deeply. Thus we began round #2 of the squalling. Oh, but round two required more theatrics. She decided that the over exaggerated back-arching, mixed in with pushing her body as far away from me as possible, and alternately reaching for random off limits objects made a nice repertoire...

I have turned into that clueless looking mother with the squalling-ass kid... ugh.
Good ol' karma. It'll bite you in the booty every now and then.

Oh well- next week is Alan's turn at the pool.

Time to go shower off all the chlorine and pool pee.

Campbell's Mom

PS- Ask Haylie, it's all true.


Haylie33 said...

This whole blog is very to not exaggerated one tiny bit!!!
-Aunty H-

Grita said...

I find that hard to one that cute could throw a fit that big....Paybacks are hell. hahahah

Peggy Rice said...

I feel for you. But come on, give me some photos of the fit. Everyone was already glaring, you should have really given them something to talk about by pulling out the old camera!

Colette said...

Ok, this had me cracking up...pretty sure I peed in my pants :) only because ALL moms have been there and I so love knowing that my two sweet little boys are not the only ones capable of showing that they can (often will) become the Exorcist in disguise. My one question is why this only seems to occur outside of the home...I have yet to see the Exorcist visit our home!